FREE ADVICE!!!

1.) If a person has a brother on a cross country team that person, while attending a meet, shouldn't enjoy his/her self so much that he/she doesn't think clearly.

2.) If this same person can not help but enjoy his/her self and commits #1 that same person should not eat the apple breakfast cake provided by the mom of said brother's teammate, no matter how delicious it looks. Bees will be attracted.

3.) If this person happens to adore said Mom's cooking and eats cake (Side Note: YUM!) therefore committing #2 and it is September, bees will be a problem. After the bees are swarming this person should not eat Nut Thins especially without examining the chip before putting it in he/she's mouth.

4.)If this person eats the Nut Thins, it's possible that one of the swarming bees might be sitting on chip, and will be put in said person's mouth.

5.) If, unfortunately, the bee is put in the mouth my advice is too spit the bee out as quickly as possible, before it can sting he/she.

6.) If he/she is unable to execute #5 fast enough, and he/she is stung on the lip, do not, I repeat, DO NOT start yelling incoherently "Mum a ba strounge ma und de wip!" Whilst holding lip due to excruciating pain. He/she will get laughed by brother's teammates.

7.) If he/she can't think clearly through the pain and does #6, bear it with as much dignity as possible. This dignity should not include holding a 6" by 6" cooling thing on the lip. Said teammates with laugh and tease more.

8.) If #6 and #7 are unavoidable he/she should try to laugh at he/she's self as a last resort.

9.) If all this is unavoidable, he/she has my sympathy.

10.) BTW if said lip swells over night and is a literal balloon on Sunday morning. He/she should tell story to friends to provide laughs.

Believe me, I know.